If you want to skip to Part II, please scroll down until you see red font. To everyone else: Please keep reading.
Throughout 2013's holiday "season of giving," I watched as our nation's leaders labored to turn the United ("Give me your tired, your poor,") States into something out of a Dickens novel. I wondered how their gifts of fiscal responsibility and respect for the rule of law would be distributed and received. I imagined the holidays from the perspective of someone directly affected by their recent "leadership," and what could be done about it. Here's Part One of what I came up with, in the form of a post-Christmas carol:
Part I) Pondering the meaning of
Christmas:
On the 1st day of Christmas, the SNAP guy gave to me
A cup, and he told
me to pee.
On the 2nd day, I learned my per-meal subsidy:
One buck-thirty-three,
and a cup for my
sample of pee
The 3rd day of Christmas, the boss deigned to mention:
No more pension, one-buck-thirty-three, and a
cup for my sample of pee
On the 4th day, the border gave Mom big indigestion
Sent to detention, no more pension, one-buck-thirty-three,
and a cup for my sample of pee
On the 5th day, I wondered what the Dream Act means
More broken dreams, Mom in detention, no more
pension, one-buck-thirty-three, and a cup for my sample of pee.
On the 6th day, the food bank again ran out of greens,
I got more beans, more broken dreams, Mom in
detention, no more pension, one-buck-thirty-three, and a cup for my sample of
pee.
On the 7th day of Christmas, my boss proved he’s a slime,
Cut my hours to
part-time, more pounds
of dried beans, more broken dreams, Mom in detention, no more pension, one-buck-thirty-three,
and a cup for my sample of pee.
The 8th day, at work, I parked and didn’t see the sign,
95 buck fine, hours cut to part-time, more
pounds of dried beans, more broken dreams, Mom
in detention, no more
pension, one-buck-thirty-three, and a cup for my sample of pee
On the 9th day, the senator’s wish filled me with rage
No minimum wage?! 95 buck fine, hours cut to
part-time, more pounds of dried beans,
more broken dreams, Mom in
detention, no more pension, one-buck-thirty-three,
and a cup for my sample of pee
On Day 10, no more COLAs insists a DC sage,
Insecure old age! No minimum wage, 95 buck
fine, hours cut to part-time, more pounds of dried beans, more broken dreams,
Mom in detention, no more pension, one-buck-thirty-three, and a cup for my sample of pee
Day 11 wrecked my plans for state-paid rest and enjoyment*,
No help for unemployment, No minimum wage, 95 buck fine, hours cut to
part-time, more pounds of dried beans, more broken dreams, Mom in detention, no
more pension, one-buck-thirty-three and a cup for my sample of pee
On the 12th day, I got news much worse than unemployment:
My son’s deployment! No help for unemployment, no minimum wage, 95 buck
fine, hours cut to part-time, more pounds
of dried beans, more broken dreams, Mom in detention, no more pension, one-buck-thirty-three,
and a cup for my sample of pee
Part II) Where Can I Exchange These "Gifts"? & What
I’d Like Instead
My 1st wish is
that Congress with all its looney callousness
Submits to daily urinalysis.
On the other
hand, it may be what Congress needs is cannabis,
Psychoanalysis, and for most of them, daily
urinalysis
3rd wish: For
Congressmen to whom all oil is blessed
Fracked water taste tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them, daily
urinalysis
4th: For CEOs who treat the poor
like lazy pests,
Wall Street arrests,
fracked water tests, psychoanalysis,
and for most of them, daily urinalysis
5th for
Congressmen telling the jobless, “No extensions!”
No more pensions! Wall Street arrests, fracked
water tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them, daily urinalysis
6th, for all the Mitt Romneys, and all their condescension,
NASCAR conventions, no more pensions! Wall
Street arrests, fracked water tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them,
daily urinalysis
Next, for those who say “No SNAP ‘cause it’s not longer-lasting,”
3 days of fasting, NASCAR conventions, no more pensions! Wall
Street arrests, fracked water tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them,
daily urinalysis
8th, for the one percent who want minimum wage-axing,
90% taxing, three days of fasting,
NASCAR conventions,
no more pensions! Wall
Street arrests, fracked water tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them,
daily urinalysis
9th, for those who want Obamacare null and void,
Super-sized
hemorrhoids, 90% taxing,
3 days of fasting, NASCAR conventions, no more pensions! Wall Street arrests, fracked water tests, psychoanalysis,
and for most of them, daily urinalysis
Day 10, the congressmen of integrity devoid
Become unemployed, get Super-sized hemorrhoids,
90 % taxing, 3 days of fasting, NASCAR conventions, no more pensions! Wall Street arrests,
fracked water tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them, daily urinalysis
Next: since their collective
conscience has been downsized
they must be
supervised or become unemployed,
get super-sized hemorrhoids, 90 % taxing, 3 days of fasting, NASCAR conventions, no more pensions! Wall
Street arrests, fracked water tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them,
daily urinalysis
Day 12, it was clear that we who have been pauperized
we must get
organized, they must
be supervised, become the unemployed, get super-sized hemorrhoids, 90% taxing, 3 days of fasting, NASCAR conventions, no more pensions! Wall
Street arrests, fracked water tests, psychoanalysis, and for most of them,
daily urinalysis
New Year’s Resolution (In Lieu of Hemorrhoids...)
We can end their wars on the poor and the middle classes
By being daily pains in their asses**
*because living on unemployment…it doesn’t get much better than that!
**i.e. regular, collective action that puts politicians who serve only
the one percent at risk of being thrown out of office by the 99 percent
